A Self-Reflection: Alt a Year Later

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*Disclaimer: This post is a little different for The Carolina Couple. I do not want people to think that I am being judge-y about weight or calling anyone overweight. I am just being honest about my personal struggles.*

A year ago, I went to a blogging conference to promote my old blog, Wow and Vow Days. Going to the conference that year was difficult because I had such a poor self-image.  I wrote about my self-image struggles, and that post became one of the most read posts on Wow and Vow Days. And I thought a year later I would revisit the topic of self-image.

I wish I could say that I was in a better place with my looks. In some ways, I am, but in a lot of ways, I am not. When the other conference released pictures on their Flikr, I felt even worse about my body. All I saw was pudge and double chins. I couldn’t even get excited that I met a celebrity because I saw a double-chinned, non-fashionable girl in my photo.  I realize that a lot of those thoughts were due to a negative morphed self-view, but it didn’t stop me from feeling awful about my looks.

The good thing about feeling bad was that while it did send me into a funk, it also caused me to kick myself into gear. I bought a Garmin fit-bit thing and wear it all the time. I hate gyms, but I did join an aquafit center near the community college I work at. I love swimming and realized that I had to find a workout that worked for me. Try as I might, I am not a yoga girl. (Hats off to all you Alt ladies who will wake up early this week to do yoga.) I have lost weight and am comfortably a size six again. People at work have even commented on my weight loss, which has felt nice.

I am still working on not craving the approval of others. I realize that the “whole love yourself” thing is legit and something I really need. I know my constant need for body reassurance puts stress on my husband. I realize that being comfortable in my clothes helps me not feel the need to constantly be told that I look fine or “No, you do not have a muffin top.”

A way to make myself feel more comfortable in my clothes was to donate all the clothes I associated “fat feelings” with and replace them. I couldn’t donate everything at once, but I shopped smart and hit up sales. I even tried mixing up the negative feeling clothes and pairing them with positive vibe pieces. The online Black Fridays deals helped a lot. I didn’t even cry or frantically go shopping to find “Alt approved” outfits when I packed and even felt pretty body confident. Honestly, I can’t wait to rock my off-the-shoulders red shirt with leopard print loafers, an outfit that last year Carrie would have never been confident in.

I guess what I am getting at rather haphazardly is that while I am not 100% happy with my body, I am getting better at accepting it. I realize that positive body acceptance can take a long time, but reading over my old blog post, I can say that I am working on it and can look at myself in the mirror and smile at what I see.


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